4 Days to the Cup

I’m going to really, really hate England this week. I mean, this human aspect ratio buster features as a striker for that country? For real?

Peter Crouch is a tool. More evidence:

Holmes needs to bounce The Robot up from out his repertoire. He’s embarrassing himself and his girlfriend, and pissing Don Cornelius off.

One of the few things of value to come out of England over the past decade is Ricky Gervais, and even he ragged on this goof:

Now, if I was at all confident in the ability of the US central defense to actually beat this guy to a ball played in the air, I’d get really mean. Or maybe I’m just saving that for Terry, who might be shagging Crouch’s fiance.

6 thoughts on “4 Days to the Cup”

  1. Another soccer post? Really? [Yawn.]
    What did I say about soccer and Americanness, do you listen to your number 1 commentor or what? I thought the new web was supposed to be participatory.

  2. You know you’re a secret Anglophile, Groom, and your anti-footie rhetoric only thinly veils your self-loathing nostalgia for British colonial rule and your true calling: licking the lint off of red coats. Go flame yourself, and blow Paul Gasciogne while you’re at it.

  3. Geez Luke, keep up the vitriol and you’ll be writing on Deadspin before too long. Seriously, I find it kind of hard to be hating on England so much this week, as they are so comically and magically cursed.

    I mean, what other team would have their #1 defender, who after many years of supreme goofiness had finally developed into one of the best in the world and a bedrock in the back, knocked out of the Cup in a training collision? And by Emile Huskey who, let’s be honest, has no business whatsoever setting foot on the pitch in any kind of international competition. Which, everybody with eyes, except apparently, for two successive England coaches has been able to see.

    You need to be thanking your gift-horses. Of all the major contenders, England is the most beatable by the USA, so good for a group play opponent. They, in the form of the Premier League, have done more to make U.S. players competitive internationally than anyone else. Which is why the U.S. is going to deliver a 2-2 whuppin’ (England’s shaky goalie and immobile central defense succumb to the hustle and counterattack of the vastly less skilled US Team, which has its own organizational issues in the back, but thank goodness, Tim Howard).

    And that 2-2 is a victory for the U.S., which has everything to play for, and a huge disappointment for England, with everything to lose.

  4. Adam, I hope you’re right! I’d be a lot more confident that USA could get a result if our back line was anywhere near solid. Gooch isn’t himself, Goodson is overmatched, and Demerit has no business playing in this tournament. Rooney is going to tear them to shreds. On the wings, Bocanegra won’t be able to deal with speed (I expect we’ll see Lennon at right mid), and the two Coles on the left could be too much for Cherundulo. I think England won’t have a problem getting chances. The question will be, what kind of chances will we get? They are suspect in the back, so I think we’ll get a few.

    No matter what happens, Crouch sucks.

  5. Totally agree about the U.S. defense. And having watched Spector get bamboozled by Aaron Lennon (in person at Upton Park) I’m not confident that he’s up for the job either. It’s going to take a lot of energy and organization, some crossbar shots and a whole lot of luck to get that 2-2 tie.

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